Anthony Minichiello’s nutrition advice has Roosters players looking leaner than ever and The Public Apology can exclusively reveal that it is largely to do with a controversial new diet supplement.

In a sick twist, that would even make Stephen Dank squirm, Minichiello has been administering regular chalices of human blood to players to give them an edge over their opposition.

In order to achieve the highest level of performance, fresh blood must be consumed, and players have been partaking in late night ‘bonding sessions,’ involving wild orgies with pale groupies lured into a suspicious looking white caravan in Bondi Junction.

In an unprecedented, and unsettling move, the Roosters have also put in a request with the NRL to ensure all their 2016 fixtures are played after sundown.

When approached for comment, Minichiello burst in to laughter, pulled over his cape and disappeared in a puff of smoke and flurry of wings. Leaving this reporter with only a dusty cough and a feeling of impending dread.

Other clubs are said to be curious about the new diet due to the fact that, as one player put it, “You can’t deny the Roosters players have banging bods.”

By staff writers