Miami in talks with Boston to trade LeBron’s mom for Flo Allen

LeBron, needs a PR overhaul

The Miami Heat is thinking of trading Gloria James to the Boston Celtics in exchange for Flo Allen, in what is looming as the first non-player or non-administrative transaction made in NBA trading history.

ThePublicApology understands that Heat officials, desperate for answers after the dramatic series loss to the Dallas Mavericks, mooted the “mom trade” with James a few days ago. According to sources, the Heat is looking for a PR quick-fix and has already penned a contract with the hope of luring Flo Allen to South Beach.

Flo is the mother of Celtics shooting guard Ray Allen, one of the most respected, endearing current NBA players and a man who boasts a squeaky-clean public image. This is helped largely by the fact that his mother attends every match he takes part in, promoting a tangible sense of “family” and devotion.

However, a Miami insider told ThePublicApology that while LeBron is eager to do the right thing by club officials, he would feel “a bit weird” having Ray Allen’s mother standing there cheering him on, resplendent in Miami garb, masquerading as his biological mother.

Flo Allen (pictured left) is mulling a move to South Beach

“LeBron knows that having Flo by his side would help his fledgling public image, but I don’t think he wants to deal with the off-court stuff, such as family dinners and the predictable, “family focused” magazine features that will inevitably arise once the trade is done,” the source told ThePublicApology.

ThePublicApology also understands that James is reluctant to let his mother loose in Boston now that former Cleveland teammate Delonte West is on the Celtics list. One of the biggest talking points in the NBA is the so-far unsubstantiated rumour that West had a sordid affair with Gloria James – and that LeBron’s departure from Cleveland was a direct consequence of the tryst.

“I know LeBron doesn’t want his mom anywhere near that guy given their [Delonte and Mrs James] history,” the source confirmed.

Meanwhile, a Celtics official told ThePublicApology the club was mulling the trade – pending Flo Allen’s passing of a physical – but was waiting for Miami to exchange insurance information and conduct salary cap calculations.

West, could be an obstacle to the Gloria James trade

ULTIMATUMS: ThePublicApology also understands the Heat has imposed several other ultimatums on the 6’7″ star. Should James break any of these conditions, his contract will be terminated instantly. They include:

  • Dumping the capital ‘B’ from his first name and replacing it with a more humble, media-friendly lower-case ‘b’.
  • When questioned in the future, retrospectively referring to his “Decision” to move to South Beach as “The Situation” – pending a patent appeal by Jersey Shore cast member Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino.
  • Wearing a nameless, numberless jersey for the entire 2011-12 series to “get him back down to earth.”
By Dave Edwards 

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