Singing gym junkies to be slapped with heavy fines

"We gon' light it up, like it's dynamite..."

Gym junkies who dance, whistle and sing to mainstream pop songs while working out will be subject to on-the-spot fines in a new crackdown on anti-social behaviour.

The ‘zero tolerance’ state legislation will give gym owners the right to forcibly remove the offending members from their premises. State appointed gym officers will be on the floor to slap gym goers with fines, which are believed to range from $400-$800.

“There’s nothing more frustrating than lifting weights and hearing the off-key wailings of some jock who’s trying to be ironic,” one Fitness First gym member told ThePublicApology.

“Seeing a bunch of muscle-bound dudes dancing around to Taio Cruz’s ‘Dynamite’ in between bench press sets is enough to make you quit the gym for life.”

“I’m in no way homophobic, but I think that kind of behaviour is more suited to [prominent Sydney gay bar] The Colombian than the free-weights area,” he added.

Sports and Recreation Minister Graham Annesley said that officers would also target guys in the free-weights section – specifically the bench-press zone – that wear iPods.

“These guys are arguably more annoying than those listening to the mainstream offerings over the gym P.A. system. Just because they’re wearing headphones and are oblivious to the outside world due to their trance or rap music blaring upwards of 100 decibels doesn’t make them exempt from the law,” he said.

“Obnoxious shoulder movements, ‘grooving’ and fist pumping will not be tolerated in NSW gyms.”

By Dave Edwards 

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