Boks break bread in MasterChef challenge

Coach Peter de Villiers may have initially denied it, but the word out of South Africa is that the Springboks’ “injured” stars have been training in a secret Rustenburg camp. However, instead of practicing their line-outs, rucks and mauls, reports from the camp suggest they’ve been honing their duck liver parfait, pork belly terrine and ‘crockenbush’ skills.

UK MasterChef founder Franc Roddam conceded last night that South African television station Mnet had secured rights to produce a local version of the reality franchise.

ThePublicApology understands that the production crew had insisted upon having at least two top-tier Boks on the show. And according to reports, competition was so fierce between players that a secret training session and cook off had to take place.

Meanwhile, it is understood that Victor Matfield and Fourie Du Preeze emerged as the two successful players-turned-chefs, edging out Bryan Habana. Habana was left disappointed when judges described his truffle risotto with braised chanterelles as “unpredictable and laced with errors, just like his rugby.”

Habana, "surprisingly bland"

One judge later referred to Habana’s inclusion in the MasterChef cook off as “the product of an outdated system.”

“He was only there because, in post-apartheid South Africa, all competitions require a certain quota of non-white players; it’s a bloody disgrace,” he said.

“Chefs, like footy players and cricketers, should be picked on merit and not on the colour of their skin.”

Matfield and Du Preeze are reportedly looking forward to facing more complicated culinary challenges with other prominent South Africans, including Archbishop Desmond Tutu, author J.M. Coetzee and actor Arnold Volsoo – better known as the ‘bad guy in the Mummy movies’ – when the MasterChef series premieres later this year.

By Luke Meredith

Americans love soccer… Every four years

Very few things can bring out the most rabid jingoist in the United States.  Until the other week, I was unaware that the U.S. Women’s National Team was on that list.  Prior to this month, I knew more participants in the annual 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest than I knew the ladies of the U.S. National Team. Last Saturday, if you were to tell me the name of America’s head coach – Pia Sundhage – I would have assumed that she was the new President of the International Monetary Fund before guessing that she was the leader of my nation’s finest female soccer players.  Before the U.S. stunned Brazil in a heart-pounding thriller, I thought the U.S. Women’s National Team was where Freddy Adu had been playing for the past few years.

Since the World Cup ended (in a heart-wrenching loss to Japan), I have a new first and third ex-wife (Hope Solo and Alex Morgan in that order).  After the quarter final victory over Brazil, Oklahoma City Thunder superstar Kevin Durant tweeted that he was going to name his first daughter Hope Solo after her stunning performance in the penalty shoot-out, (imagine the athletic freak show that those two could create… I think it could look a little something like this). With their victory over Brazil, the U.S. Women’s National Team were able to redeem the Men’s National Team for losing to a country — Ghana — who’s GDP is less than that of Wyoming … seriously GHANA?!?!?!

US goalkeeper Hope Solo

For three beautiful weeks in July, my Facebook feed was overwhelmed with YouTube reaction videos; Sportscenter had something to talk about other than the NFL and NBA lockouts; people were googling ‘Megan Rapinoe lesbian?’ and American women felt a sense of empowerment only matched by the feeling they had when they won the right to vote.

One week on though, as Michael Phelps will tell you, Americans will find more interest in whether or not there will be a sequel to Kevin James’ The Zookeeper. What’s the moral of this story, one might ask? Hope Solo and Kevin Durant better hook up SOON!!!

 By RJ Karas

Woods and Williams separate over ‘cheating’ allegations

Tiger Woods has accused his New Zealand-born caddie and confidante Steve Williams of ‘cheating’ on him.

Woods fired Williams this week after rumours began to circulate that the caddie had been secretly courting Australian golfer Adam Scott. Just days after the split, Williams confirmed that he had accepted an offer to caddie for the Australian on a permanent basis.

“I can’t believe that it’s over after 12 years – I really thought we had something special,” a teary-eyed Woods told reporters.

“That’s what you get for investing heavily in someone – it’s definitely the last time I give myself to someone at the exclusion of all others. Fuck monogamy,” he added, bitterly.

Williams told ThePublicApology that being on the PGA tour for over a decade had its temptations.

“There’s just so many exciting, young, talented golfers out there – and while Tiger is certainly a wonderful, charming man, our relationship just dried up over time. He just wasn’t giving me the attention I craved,” he said.

“But I never, ever cheated on him.”

Williams recalled the time he first noticed Scott, back in 2002 at the US Masters, with fondness.

“He was this young 22-year-old, lithe, with a gorgeous swing and laconic Australian charm,” he said.

“We shared a few drinks at the 19th hole over the last seven or eight years and eventually he made the ultimate commitment to me, asking me to be his exclusive caddy. I was stunned, but of course I said yes!”

Scott and Williams, now an item

ThePublicApology understands that Williams has been seeing other prominent golfers at the 19th hole – and occasionally outside of official PGA tournaments – over the past decade. Phil Mickleson, John Daly, Robert Allenby and Miguel Angel Jimenez have all been linked to the New Zealander, while grainy photographs emerged of a professional tryst between the caddy and Woods’ compatriot Jim Furyk, just months ago.

Gossip website TMZ published photographs of Williams  giggling with Furyk at a driving range in Florida in April, but both parties denied it was anything more than “two mates catching up for a hit.”

The string of allegations against Williams are not expected to derail his burgeoning career, or affect the relationship between the caddie and new boss Adam Scott.

By Dave Edwards