Playing days numbered for that one fat kid

A NSW rugby league competition has trialed an underage weight-restricted division, but there are concerns the move could mean teams no longer boast ‘that one fat kid’.

The segregated-by-size trial took place in western Sydney this week at the All Schools Carnival. It is seen as a way of boosting junior numbers to quell the AFL’s foray into traditional rugby league heartlands. However, such competitions could leave tubby youngsters and ‘man-children’ without a team to play for.

“Injuries will go down and player numbers will rise, but who’s thinking about that one fat kid who, via parental pressure, reluctantly pulls his jersey on each week to play alongside drastically smaller children?” asked one parent, who admitted his child was “on the heavy side.”

The NSWRL has flagged the idea of a ‘fat kid’ division consisting solely of obese youths, but there are doubts the competition would take off.

“There’s nothing better than going to a game and seeing a fat child – or a man-child, for that matter – taking a hit up against a skinny little boy half his size – it’s just delightfully incongruous,” said one junior coach.

“It gives [the fat kids] some hope and it’s a boost for their confidence. But putting all the fatties together on a park won’t have the same effect; conversely, I think it would be quite depressing for all involved. Plus, who the fuck would want to coach that team – who’s going to play halfback?”

The man-child is also set to suffer under the proposed changes

One 12-year-old fat kid told ThePublicApology that weight-specific divisions would signal the end of his playing career.

“Let’s face it, I’ve probably got two, three years tops before I go from being a really dynamic rugby league forward to a pimply obese teenager,” he said.

“Once the other kids start to hit puberty my playing days will be numbered. It’s too late for me to convert all this fat into muscle.”

“I won’t be able to pick up girls and I’ll most likely take solace in online gaming and Pringles. At least give me a couple more years of underage dominance before I resign to my fate,” he pleaded.

By Dave Edwards

 

 

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