The medical – and indeed sporting – worlds are reeling this morning with the news Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo has successfully cloned himself.
Ronaldo followed Real Madrid’s 1-0 away win in their Champions League opener against Croatian side Dinamo Zagreb with an extraordinary attack on referees and then took the even more extraordinary step of unveiling his clone.
“Some referees allow other players to give me stick like [the Dinamo players] did today. I think it’s because I’m rich, handsome and a great player. They envy me – there’s no other explanation” Ronaldo said.
“Now, they can envy two of me.”
Stepping out from behind sponsor-laden curtains to the side of the media throng an exact copy of the great man emerged, wearing only tiny yellow briefs.
“I am Ronaldo!” he declared in perfectly accented English.
Just how the orginal Ronaldo achieved this feat is unknown, and he is for now keeping mum about it.
“The complicated process of cloning Ronaldo is something only Ronaldo and Ronaldo Mach II can understand. My mind is like a baker’s oven with chocolated cookies brewing at an optimum temperature all season round. M&M’s, Gummi Bears and Lithuanian tree apes combined in a melting pot of glory.”
Left dumfounded by this cryptic response, reporters pressed him for what purpose he intended for his clone.
“Well I would finally have someone worthy to play against, but it would be pointless because we are both so perfect, so we will play together,” he explained.
“I also now have somebody good looking enough to make love to without mirrors lining the walls.”
“So we will travel the world making love and beating people off with our feet in sold out stadiums.”
Possessing no social security number, legal papers or even , birth certificate, it is unclear how Real Madrid will go about signing Ronaldo Mach II, but if anything is clear, it is what Ronaldo wants, Ronaldo gets.
Dolly the Sheep move over, there’s a new clown, ahem, clone, in town.
By Al McClintock