The clash between terminal cellar-dwellers the Buffalo Bills and the Oakland Raiders ended in high farce on Sunday when the referee took 10 minutes at the end of the game to review an interception by rookie cornerback Da’Norris Searcy.
Finally, with darkness closing in and thousands of disoriented, inebriated fans trying to negotiate their way out of the parking lot, referee Mike Carey announced to an almost empty Orchard Park that the interception would stand and that the Bills would prevail 38-35 over the Raiders.
Fan Morris Grabowsky was seen heading for the exit not long after the two-minute warning. Asked by ThePublicApology why he wasn’t waiting for the result, he explained: “Heck, my ass is hurting man, I been sitting here for hours!”
“I don’t come for no result – I come to drink as much Bud as I can and make sexually suggestive remarks to the cheerleaders.”
Australian expat Ian Pascoe was also seen leaving the game early. “I could’ve watched eight games of [rugby] league by now, mate. I just can’t stand it anymore. When will it end!” he pleaded.
The delay by referee Mark Carey was attributed to many factors immediately following the drama. Some suggested a dodgy curry had led to an inopportune bathroom break, with reports later emerging that referee Carey had been seen in a Buffalo-area Indian restaurant the night before.
But a source close to the game later told ThePublicApology that it was in fact Carey’s poor vision that resulted in the delay. “He’s been squinting for years now. Can barely make out the ball most of the time. The NFL’s not picky, you know. Anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of the game can be a referee,” he declared.
Meanwhile in other NFL news, Sunday Night Football’s marquee match-up between Atlanta and Philadelphia fizzled to a less than spectacular finish with the Falcons holding off the Eagles 35-31.
Former dog-fighting enthusiast and now Eagle quarterback Michael Vick left the field in the third quarter with a concussion and blood streaming from his mouth after he collided with one of his teammates,
Despite his injuries, Vick was in good enough spirits and condition after the game to shower with his teammates. The former inmate told ThePublicApology that “it’s just nice to have a shower these days and not worry about the risk of sodomy.”
By Nick Gordon