Aussie tourist tosses Tindall the truth

An Australian tourist has spoken out on the solid piece of advice he gave to wayward English captain Mike Tindall after the footballer’s boozy evening at Queenstown’s Altitude Bar.

A furore broke out last week after Tindall was seen canoodling a mystery blonde while enjoying a dwarf-throwing contest over more than a few beers. [Ed: ThePublicApology apologises in advance for using the words “canoodling” and “mystery blonde” in a news article.]

However, an Australian tourist took exception to Tindall’s philandering ways, taking it upon himself to approach the centre outside the bar and say “You’re married. Pull your head in, mate.”

The Australian, who spoke to ThePublicApology on the condition of anonymity, said it was unseemly that a married man should partake in a dwarf-throwing contest while his wife was more than 10,000 kilometres away in a foreign country.

“When I saw him smashing beer after beer with that goofy look on his face, having a laugh at the expense of some poor fucking midget, I couldn’t help think of his poor missus back home,” he said.

Tindall blamed the altitude for his actions

“Once I got married that was it – no more dwarf-contests for me. I took a vow and I chose to honour it. I can only imagine how the Queen is feeling, knowing that her grandson-in-law was tossing small blokes around while Zara [Phillips] was on the other side of the world.”

When asked of the allegations that Tindall had joyfully buried his head in the woman’s generous cleavage, the Australian described those actions as “fair game.”

“No dramas there, mate. What goes on tour stays on tour.”

By Dave Edwards

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