Hasler makes grand final hair pledge

Manly coach Des Hasler will shave off his flowing blond locks should his team topple the New Zealand Warriors this Sunday in the NRL grand final.

Hasler informed his playing group at training today that the winner of the Clive Churchill medal would be given the shaving honours – a tactic designed to spur the northern beaches club to victory.

“Yeah, we’ve been reasonably motivated up until this point to win the 2011 grand final, but this changes everything,” a reinvigorated Jamie Lyon told ThePublicApology.

“I’d love to see what Dessie looks like under that impressive mop of hair.”

Some suspect Hasler is hiding a Gorbachev-like birthmark

Hasler would be almost unrecognisable without his trademarked locks, having sported the same ‘do since the age of seven.

The rugged coach told ThePublicApology that the new look would not affect his personal brand or his ability to steer the side to a consecutive grand final appearance in 2012, should Manly win this Sunday.

“I think it’s time for a new Des to emerge; I think people see me as this caricature of a man, which I’m really not – I’m actually quite a deeply intelligent human,” he said.

“I’ve been mulling the chop for a while now – and should we get up this weekend I’ll keep my promise to lose the locks.”

Meanwhile, prime ministerial handbag and hairdresser Tim Mathieson has put up his hand to give Hasler a hair makeover should he opt for a more salon-like experience.

Having tamed the prime minister's hair, Mathieson is eager for a new challenge

“I’d personally love to take on Dessie’s hair,” Mathieson said, in between sips of a strawberry daiquiri.

“It’s got such wonderful life and bounce! I could cut it short and give it lots of texture and add some product to achieve that ‘messy’ look – or, we could keep it long, add some highlights and straighten it out a bit like Justin Bieber. Oh, the possibilities are endless,” he giggled.

Hasler told ThePublicApology that he had no inclination to adopt a Justin Bieber style.

“What do you think I am, a poofter?” he retorted angrily.

By Dave Edwards

 

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