Indianapolis mayor Greg Ballard has taken the extraordinary step of refusing to let the Colts return home following the team’s humiliating defeat at the hands of the New Orleans Saints.
The red-hot Saints crushed the Colts 62-7 in one of the most lopsided games of the NFL season. The defeat leaves Indianapolis with seven straight losses.
Mayor Ballard was quick to take action following the latest embarrassing defeat. “They’re not getting back inside the city limits. I don’t care where they go, but they will never be allowed to disgrace the good name of this city ever again,” the mayor told ThePublicApology from his command post at Indianapolis International Airport.
Meanwhile, Ballard has directed local and state law enforcement officials to guard the city against the Colts. The mayor also took the unusual step of encouraging city residents to take up arms against a possible incursion of the team.
“I encourage all proud citizens to dust off their firearms and patrol the city limits. My orders are, if you see anyone wearing Colts’ clothing, whether they be players, officials or even administrative staff, to shoot to kill, and then to quickly dispose of the bodies.”
Mayor Ballard has also reportedly been in contact with Indiana Governor Mitchell E Daniels Jr about the possibility of enforcing a state-wide ban on the team.
Colts’ staff in New Orleans appeared unsurprised by the turn of the events and have reportedly dusted off plans to seek asylum in another US city. Their charter jet was due to take off two hours after the game, but this has been postponed as officials consider their next move.
Several cities without football teams are believed to be negotiating with Colts as the team prepares to seek asylum. The front-runner appears to be Los Angeles, who has suffered the ignominy of being without an NFL franchise since the Raiders returned to Oakland in 1995.
Wire reports suggest Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa has been in contact with Colts’ management following the team’s refusal to be let back into Indianapolis.
“We don’t care that they’re rubbish. Or that they play like a bunch of school girls. We just want to be on TV,” Mayor Villaraigosa reportedly told local news outlets late Sunday night.
“What’s embarrassing, is that these stupid hick towns – your Green Bays, Jacksonvilles and Tampa Bays – have football teams. Hell, even Oakland has a football team. I mean, have you ever been to Oakland? It’s just crap. We might rival that city in terms of gang-violence, but that’s where the similarity ends,” the mayor went on to say.
By Nick Gordon