Bartel edges out mystery player for Norm Smith medal

Geelong mid-fielder Jimmy Bartel may have scooped the best on ground award at the 2011 AFL grand final, but all the talk post-game has been about an unknown entity known only as ‘The Boys’.

Last week The Public Apology polled all 36 starting players on who would take out the coveted Norm Smith medal for best player in the decider. And despite The Boys not appearing on either side as an actual player – or as an option at any of Australia’s major betting agencies – we can confirm that the low profile entity was in fact favourite to take out the gong.

Bartel, upon receiving the coveted award, said his own performance was overshadowed by how well The Boys performed.

“No matter how well I played, in the end it came down to The Boys stepping up and taking ownership of the game,” he said, obliquely.

“People tell me that I’ve had a great season, but really it’s The Boys that make me look good.”

“Full credit to The Boys,” he added.

The Boys also appears to be a very popular and humble teammate, with all 36 players telling ThePublicApology that they wanted to get the win “for The Boys.”

A computer generated image of what The Boys might look like

The Boys also appears to be the most versatile – but highly secretive player – in the modern era, capable of playing in any weather conditions and particularly adept at overcoming tough hurdles. He is never seen to shirk his responsibilities on the field – often giving an incredible “110% effort” – and enjoys nothing more than a few beers after a hard-earned win.

The unknown player is also the individual that each player nominated as whom they would most like to share a post-grand final beverage with. Geelong coach Chris Scott, captain Cameron Ling and Bartel all made myriad references to The Boys in their winning speeches; however, The Boys was too shy to step up and accept any of the accolades.

Unfortunately, The Boys has been embroiled in a spate of controversies over the last four decades, with the mystery player linked to various off-field misdemeanours ranging from high-level sexual assault to generic alcohol-fueled violence. All these incidents have been attributed to peer pressure.

ThePublicApology attempted to contact The Boys for comment but was told by various sources that he would probably be in Bali for the next two weeks and should not be contacted under any circumstances.

By Dave Edwards