Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker’s promotional trip to Australia has been exposed as a front, with insiders revealing the actress was instead involved in secret talks with the Australian Racing Board ahead of Tuesday’s Melbourne Cup.
The Public Apology understands that Parker, whose new movie I Don’t Know How She Does It was the original reason given for her Melbourne jaunt, in fact met with the peak body to discuss a controversial cross-breeding program.
The actress is believed to have been offered A$1.8 million to mate with local horse-faced talent Mark Gasnier in a bid to produce the ultimate racing mascot.
Under the proposed breeding program, Parker and Gasnier will share a stable and a three hectare paddock for several months until the female becomes pregnant. Insiders are hoping that the process should only take a few days, given the “toey-ness” of the stud.
Once pregnancy is established, the female will then be isolated from the male and kept under strict watch until she gives birth – at which point the offspring will be taken away from its mother and raised by soulless racing officials.
The Public Apology understands that the ARB will unveil the horse-child at the 2012 AAMI Victoria Darby Day, with the board confident that the new mascot will increase crowds by some 40% during next year’s Spring Carnival.
Sadly, Parker’s deal prevents her from attending any of the Spring Carnival events next year over fears that an enthusiastic jockey may mistake her for a horse and attempt to mount her in the yards.
By Luke Meredith with Dave Edwards
From the man who brought us Stewie Griffin and that old pedophile with a lisp. http://www.sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com