In the ultimate act of desperation, a Sydney man has muted the volume on his television and turned on his radio while watching the first Test match between Australia and New Zealand at the Gabba.
Kevin Read, 44, of Dulwich Hill, made the adjustment after becoming frustrated by Channel 9 commentators Bill Lawry and Tony Greig.
“I’m sick of those idiots,” Read told The Public Apology during an extensive phone interview. “They’ve pretty much been saying the same things for the past thirty years. They add nothing to my enjoyment of the game. They both should have been ‘boned’ several years ago I believe.”
Read also revealed that the notorious – and often heated – disagreements between Lawry and Greig no longer interested him, despite the spats being enjoyed by many cricket fans around the country.
“Yeah, they used to be vaguely amusing, but now it’s like listening to a married couple – I’ve heard it all before. And I don’t want to ever hear it again.”
The switch to radio was not all smooth sailing though as Read admitted to harbouring some doubts about the change, especially after he realised that he would no longer be able to hear the views of legendary commentator and white coat salesman Richie Benaud.
“I’ll miss Richie – he seems like the only one of them that isn’t an arsehole. But Richie can’t make up for the other tools. I mean as well as Lawry and Grieg, you’ve got people like Heals and Tubby. To be honest, they’re just awful. I’ll be much happier listening to intelligent people like Jim Maxwell.”
English import and social darling Mark Nicholas, who has taken over much of Benaud’s hosting role in recent years, has also managed to upset Read.
“Why did Channel 9 feel like they have to import a dandy to head the coverage? Hopefully the federal government’s changes to the working away from home tax concessions will see him packing his bags and going back to where he came from.”
Read also elaborated on what he considered his biggest fear after making the switch – that the audio wouldn’t match the pictures on his television.
“A lot of my mates said that, when I told them what I was going to do. They said you’ll hear the description of the delivery before you see the ball bowled on television. I was worried, but it seems alright at my house. There is maybe a one or two second delay. I can put up with it so long as I don’t have to hear the mind-numbingly pointless conversations between Lawry and Greig.”
By Nick Gordon