Tebow Becomes Atheist As God Shines On Patriots

Denver quarterback Tim Tebow has reportedly ditched his strong Christian beliefs and converted to atheism following his team’s humiliating 45-10 loss to New England during the divisional round of the playoffs last weekend.

Following the loss, Tebow, famous for his come-from-behind victories and touchdown celebration where he prays on one knee, apparently told several wire reporters after the game that he had had a conversion of “epic proportions” after his team was thrashed by the Patriots.

A Denver insider, who was present in the locker room after the game, told The Public Apology: “Yeah, he’s not a believer anymore. He’s saying things like ‘there can’t be a God. Why would God let Tom Brady steal the limelight from me? Isn’t it enough he’s married to Giselle? God must live in that guy’s arse.’ He just kept going on and on, shouting at the ceiling.”

Brady, a lucky guy

Speculation regarding Tebow’s faith was confirmed the following day when team-mates spotted the quarterback clutching several manifestos by leading atheists. Tebow allegedly had copies of The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, God is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens and The End of Faith by Sam Harris.

Another Denver insider told The Public Apology that most of Tebow’s antics were simply a show for the cameras.“I mean the ‘Tebowing,’ that was just to get his name in the papers,” he said.

“We didn’t realise he would be so quick to convert back. I mean, I thought he believed in a higher power at the very least. I didn’t think it was all for show.”

‘Tebowing,’ the name given to the quarterback’s touchdown celebration, gained worldwide prominence this year when ordinary people from all walks of life emulated the move and posted photos and videos of their exploits on social media websites.

However, following the Broncos heavy defeat, it appears ‘Tebowing’ is set to go the way of ‘Planking’, the Macarena, the ‘Turkey Slap’, and other short-lived yet highly enjoyable fads.

A quick prayer with 0:45 left in the fourth

Professor of Sociology at Colombia University Howard Shine said that American society had reached the point where “we’ve all got the attention span of fleas.”

“We crave immediate satisfaction and don’t have the capacity to delay gratification,” he explained. “That’s how we get things like ‘Tebowing’ – but the thing is, we’re now so stupid as a culture that we’ll move onto the next thing quickly. So in five years’ time, we won’t remember anything about ‘Tebowing.'”

Tim Tebow’s conversion to atheism has also worried high-level religious officials both in the US and overseas. A spokesman for the Archdiocese of Boston told reporters following the game, “Tebow was very, very good for our brand.”

“Kids all over the country were like ‘I love God, I don’t want to have sex, and I hate homosexuals.’ For a minute there, everybody forgot about all that child molestation stuff.”

By Nick Gordon

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  1. A. Giselle is a lucky gal (Go Patriots!) and B. Good…i’m sick of Tebow. He’s cramping us American Christian’s style…

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