In what is part of a wider strategy to eventually take over as Captain of the World, David Pocock has been named Western Force skipper for the 2012 Super 15 season.
The Public Apology has obtained a secret dossier that details Pocock’s strategic goals over the next seven years and has chosen to publish it in the public interest.
According to the report, Pocock will succeed Nathan Sharpe as Force skipper and take the team all the way in the Super 15 season, before springing a surprise coup on WA Labor leader Mark McGowan with the assistance of key power-brokers.
After winning the hearts and minds of each and every Western Australian, Pocock will then go to the polls against current premier Colin Barnett in the 2013 Western Australian state election – and win handsomely, thanks to his effortless combination of brains and brawn.
Once he has used his power and influence as WA premier to implement federal legislation regarding the equal treatment of gay and lesbian couples, Pocock will continue to promote fair trade rules – specifically government and company practices – to support impoverished workers in developing countries.
At this point, having eradicated world poverty and put Australia on the “humanitarian map”, Pocock’s heroics will force a federal referendum to establish a Republic. Once this is passed unanimously the Wallaby flanker will be voted in as President by public vote, the purest form of election.
As President of the New Republic of Australia, Pocock will gain the trust and forgiveness of Aborigines and Australians of Irish origin, who have for years seen the Australian Crown as a symbol of British Imperialism. Pocock’s work to remove the last lingering vestiges of racism in the Australian Constitution, eradicate world hunger and create same-sex equality in Australia will land him a United Nations Public Service Award in 2016.
At this point, the world will be so impressed with Pocock’s humanitarian service, political nous and incredible physique – bear in mind that, by this time, he is already the captain of the Wallabies and juggling his playing commitments with the Australian presidency – that he will be elected UN Secretary-General on 1 January 2017, despite not even announcing his candidacy.
And from here Pocock is expected to be elected Captain of the World in 2018, following a year-long social media campaign (by now everyone in the world has a Twitter account and an iPad 16) that gains such traction it is impossible to ignore.
Pocock did not reply to The Public Apology’s request for confirmation by time of publishing.
By Dave Edwards