Harry Redknapp Earns Unlikely Guildford For Tax Shrug

Given the dearth of booze-fueled orgies and with public nudity being at an all time low, January was a month of slim pickings for the Guildfords judging panel. But in the spirit of white collar crime, The Public Apology is proud to announce Tottenham Hotspurs manager Harry Redknapp as the winner of the prestigious anti-award for January 2012.

Famous for his love of bacon sandwiches, Redders, as he is affectionately known, found himself in the doldrums of the London courts fighting allegations of plotting an extravagant ruse to avoid paying taxes on a £189,000 lump sum.

The amount, paid into an offshore account in Monaco named “Rosie” (after his much-loved bulldog), is said to emanate from his days as Portsmouth manager and the sale of the lanky head-target Peter Crouch.

Crouch: a massive head-target

The football icon has denied all allegations and is said to be furious with everyone and everything involved in the case, including his co-defendant Milan Mandaric, though still standing by him, saying neither would be so “silly” as to engage in tax evasion.

Redknapp did admit to lying about the account to journalist Rob Beasley, but explained “I don’t have to tell Mr Beasley the truth, I have to tell the police the truth, but not Mr Beasley. He’s a News of the World reporter.”

Seems fair enough, and who in their right mind would tell the truth to a News of the World reporter? Those narc0-coprophrageous pricks have been bending it for as long as footballers have loved strippers and blow.

Living the football lifestyle

Meanwhile, Tottenham has been quietly closing the gap on the top two clubs and seems poised to make an unlikely charge to the title, making Redknapp’s handling of the saga all that more impressive.

So enjoy your crispy English piglets, sir, and frolic with your much loved bulldogs – here’s hoping for another trophy on the mantlepiece come May.

By Al McClintock

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