Test aspirant David Hussey has spoken out on the harrowing bus ride he was forced to take to training in St Vincent ahead of Friday’s opening ODI against the West Indies. And the veteran batsman has launched a bewildering offensive against the tiny Caribbean island, accusing its government of neglecting the need for road infrastructure upgrades over the past three decades.
Hussey and a number of non-playing staff members were picked up from their 5-star hotel and whisked away in a postage stamp-sized van on their way to the Arnos Vale Cricket Ground. The Victorian was reportedly champing at his fingernails for the entire 30 minute commute, nervous the tiny vehicle would topple off one of the treacherous, cliff-hugging narrow roads.
“I was a bit scared, to be honest. Growing up in [affluent Melbourne suburb] Prahran, the worst I’ve ever had to deal with in my cricketing career was the annual Saturday pilgrimage up to Northcote [cricket club] via Punt Rd. The traffic there is a fucking indictment on former Labor state governments and their lack of foresight, ” Hussey raged to The Public Apology.
“But I’ve never taken a long-haul bus to Machu Picchu or braved Bolivia’s infamous ‘Death Road’, so this was a bit of a fucking eye-opener for me in terms of international travel – and the risks that come with being an elite cricketer. To be honest, I’m not sure I want to be a part of it!”
“I don’t give a fuck what Steve Waugh said. A Baggy Green’s not worth dying for.”
BASELESS ATTACK: Hussey went on to lambast the St Vincent and Grenadines authorities for failing to build a safe network of roads over the past three decades, ever since St Vincent was declared an independent country in 1979. The Public Apology turned the tape recorder off when the 34-year-old launched into an incongruous attack on the country’s constitutional framework and welfare system.
In response to Hussey’s senseless diatribe, a spokesperson for the St Vincent and Grenadines government provided The Public Apology with a written statement. “The area on the western side from Fancy to Chateaubelair is extremely rocky, and the roughness of the terrain has prevented the completion of the road network around the island. A series of feeder roads were built from the coastal area inland to facilitate the movement of agricultural products to the markets and to serve numerous inland communities,” the spokesperson explained.
“But more specifically, who gives a fuck about what some battler from Melbourne’s eastern suburbs who’s played a handful of one-day-internationals has to say about our road infrastructure and constitutional monarchy.”
“Has he even played a test match? No? Well fuck me.”
By Dave Edwards