To the dear people of the St Vincent and Grenadines (and surrounding Caribbean),
I am truly sorry that my aggressive, desultory tirade against your tiny island has caused such an outcry. I never meant to offend the citizens of St Vincent or cast aspersions on the brilliant, progressive leadership of your Prime Minister, Ralph Gonsalves. I also acknowledge that there are myriad challenges to building infrastructure on a small volcanic island; this is a topographical issue that Australia, with its comparatively flat landscape and enormous budget, does not face.
However, I take some umbrage with several of the comments levelled at me over the past two days. Driver, for example, described me as a “foul mouthed wannabe politican.” I can categorically quash any rumours that I might be running for office once my international career comes to a close. Aside from ABC’s Q and A on a Monday night – a guilty pleasure of mine – I have little to no engagement with domestic politics. And as for my penchant for profanity, I cannot apologise for that. As a cricketer, I have grown up in an environment where the general parlance – both on and off the field – is equivalent to that of an ill-educated 19th Century sailor. And like men of the sea, we have a bloody tough job! Standing in the field all day, shining a ball, shouting encouragement, sweating in 40 degree heat – no wonder we fucking swear so much! Maybe if I was chilling on a Caribbean island, smoking a stogie, sipping on Jamaican rum and exuding an effortlessly cool vibe then I’d be a bit more laidback…
Another commenter, A. Shorn Webb, said that I expected every country to have a “6 or 8 lane highway.” This is patently not the case. All I ask is that I not have to endure a life-threatening commute to training. As an Australian cricketer, I’m used to riding an air conditioned team bus while I zone out to my iTunes play list on the latest Apple product, preferably with my eyes closed and a brace of sliced cucumbers over my eyes. Australians live – as Vanessa’s comment described – in the “lap of luxury” – and we are unapologetic for that.
As for Nadia, who told me to take my issues to a shrink – well, fuck me, I’d love to. But unfortunately Cricket Australia has so far refused to appoint a full-time travelling psychologist to help players deal with mental breakdowns while on the road. Andrew Symonds and Shaun Tate have both suffered from mental fatigue in recent years; I for one would encourage Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland to consider a full-time sports shrink. We spend a lot of time away from our family and friends – and something as seemingly inconsequential as a bad experience with local infrastructure can be enough to tip a highly-strung cricketer over the edge. Former coach John Buchanan has raised this issue before and it’s about fucking time something was done about it!!
In fact, why am I even apologising for these comments?! Christ, the road wasn’t good enough and I think it’s time the Ralph Gonsalves government stepped up and made some wholesale changes! I find it laughable that the highest tax-rate in St Vincent and the Grenadines is a paltry 32.5%, while the excise tax on motor vehicles and petrol products is barely worth mentioning. Once this issue is sorted out, the increased revenues can then be funneled into some long overdue infrastructure programs to put St Vincent and the Grenadines on the map.
Fucking hell, I’m angry! This bloody beat-up has got me seriously fired up – I can’t wait to get out there in the ODI series and smash a few hundreds against the West Indies! And then I’ll go on the Ashes tour later this year and have a go at the Cameron government over the tough austerity measures, or maybe his tactless handling of the phone hacking scandal!! I’m really getting a taste for causing international diplomatic outrage…
Fuck it, from now on [Foreign Minister] Bob Carr can clean up my mess; I’m just going to say it how it is!
Yours sincerely (but not really, haha!),
Dave “I’m really fucking angry” Hussey