A South Australian football coach has been lambasted for refusing to draw upon the spirit of the ANZACs in his pre-match team talk last weekend, The Public Apology can report. The SAFL coach, whom The Public Apology has chosen not to name, did not instruct his players to wear black armbands on the field in their round four…
Read More Coach Blasted for Eschewing ANZAC ‘Spirit’Without question, the final weekend of Coachella will be remembered for Tupac’s computer-generated resurrection. But while this event not only made those in attendance think they were using the best hallucinogens ever made, it also marked a tipping point for all forms of entertainment. After most Americans changed their shorts from climaxing at the sight of a…
Read More Are holograms set to revolutionise sport?Contrary to popular belief, AFL umpires do not have naturally higher voices to their rugby league and rugby union counterparts, a new study has confirmed. A University of New South Wales research paper analysed the voice pitches of officials from Australia’s major football codes to determine whether AFL umpires’ squeaky, nasally grating voices are indeed reminiscent of…
Read More UNSW Study Finds AFL Umpires ‘Most Annoying’The AFL is concerned that latently homosexual players may start using injuries as an excuse to come out of the closet and blemish the code’s impressive record of having, to date, no openly gay footballers. The Public Apology understands that CEO Andrew Demetriou is fearing an avalanche of “closet-hoppers” within the AFL, following news from the UK that a…
Read More Brain Injuries Could Lead To Gay Footballer Deluge: DemetriouAs rugby league officials celebrate the appointment of Kasey Badger as the first female to referee in the Toyota Cup, one renowned social commentator has slammed the promotion and expressed a genuine fear for the young lady’s safety. UNSW Professor of Sociology Samuel Barr, who spoke exclusively with TPA, explained that “putting a young woman in that position, on a football…
Read More Female Ref Makes Threat Of Gang-Bang ‘Very Real’: Academic