A young man who was constantly teased as an overweight boy has had the last laugh after an attractive woman publicly acknowledged his “awesome rig.”
23-year-old Steve Du Bois was once a promising young striker who starred up front for his under 8 soccer team. But in 1997 he was forced to quit the side after a series of on-field jibes from teammates left him in tears and vowing never to play sport again.
After a difficult adolescence, which included various rejections from girls way out of his league, De Bois discovered that the key to increased self-esteem lay in getting “massive” in the weights room. “I was fat and lazy; I ate Cheezels all the time; I was addicted to Super Nintendo; I jacked off way more than I’d like to remember,” admits De Bois, who now holds down a well-paid yet mindnumbingly inconsequential job at one of Australia’s ‘Big Four’ banks.
“Then a few years ago a girl I liked told me that I was ‘fat and gross’. I thought, ‘shit, I better do something about this, otherwise I’ll be a virgin for life’. And not in a retro-cool Gen Y asexual way, either, but literally as in a guy who, despite his best efforts, can’t get laid, ever.”
During his first year of a commerce degree, Du Bois discovered the internet and joined a number of “health forums,” digesting all the various techniques on how to get “totally jacked and ripped.” He also subscribed to a number of style, health and fitness magazines, ranging from GQ and Men’s Health to Flex Magazine, more commonly known as the ‘Bodybuilder’s Bible’. In addition, he began to exercise his literary mind, purchasing a copy of Neil Strauss’ epic mantra, The Game, in a bid to truly understand the female psyche.
“All of a sudden I’d joined a community of people dedicated to getting awesome. And not just physically too, but mentally. I learned how to manipulate women in a way I never thought possible, which I thought might come in handy some day,” he says.
Du Bois, who had blown out to some 120 kilograms in 2006, set himself a two year body fat goal – to go from 40% down to 8% – and to maintain a year-round weight of around 75 kilograms, a more appropriate number for a 5’10” adult. And 24 months to the day, he achieved his fitness goals, celebrating the victory by himself with a low-fat hommus platter and a glass of vodka, soda and lime (for the zero calories).
“Now, all I had to do was go out, get a job, buy a completely new wardrobe and exercise everything I’d learnt from Neil Strauss – and the revolution would be complete,” he says.
Striding into his job interview at the aforementioned bank, Du Bois now had the confidence of a seasoned Sydney scenester. Two paychecks in and he was dripping head-to-toe in Hugo Boss (or Amarni, depending on the occasion). With the body, job and wardrobe all ticked off, now, he was ready to reveal “the new Steve” to the opposite sex.
“So I was out one night, chilling with my buddies in the corner of an elite boutique bar (and I’m not even going to say the name of it because you wouldn’t have heard of it), and this girl came up to me, out of nowhere, and told me I had a ‘really good rig’,” he recounts. “So I fucked her.”
“It was as if I’d come full circle. The transformation was complete – I was now one of those guys!”
Since then, Du Bois has topped up his look, opting for biweekly waxing sessions and a regular spray tan appointment, and befriended a large group of equally vacuous workmates, who he goes out at least three nights a week with. “Through these guys, I’ve been able to hone my ‘don’t give a fuck’, faux-misogynistic approach to women, which [in Sydney] they totally dig,” he adds. “I also have no dramas getting psyched up enough to speak confidently with cocaine dealers – which is something I could only have dreamed of as a fat, sexless 20-year-old.”
But despite his impressive physical and mental overhaul, Du Bois has no intention on returning to the sporting field to show those former teammates just how far he’s come.
“Yeah, I’d be an absolute weapon now if I tried, but that’d mean I’d have to give up the Friday night blowouts, man. I’m just not up for that. My sport is, and will always be, the gym.”
By Dave Edwards