Young Cricket Fan Unable To Appreciate Thrilling Test Match

The thrilling end to a drawn test match between New Zealand and England has left one young boy completely dumbstruck as to what all the fuss is about.

The third test match in Auckland came right down to the final ball on the fifth day, with England holding on with one wicket to spare to clinch an unlikely draw.

Matt Hamilton told The Public Apology that while his father, Jim, had been on the edge of his seat for the duration of the final day as New Zealand edged close to a historic victory, the 12-year-old himself had found the whole match to be quite a dull and uninspiring affair.

“I’ve grown up on a diet of Twenty/20 cricket, force-fed sixes and fours by the gallonful. It’s basically all I know,” he admitted.

“England only scored at 2.4 runs an over for the final 10 overs. What the fuck is that all about? And sure, Matt Prior tonned up [Prior managed an unbeaten 110], but he was scoring at a strike rate of just over 60%… that’s bloody sluggish in my book.”

“Why is everyone so excited over this?”

England’s tenacious display against a desperate New Zealand attack in the most tense surroundings meant nothing to the young observer, who told The Public Apology he’d rather sit through three hours of frivolous (read: meaningless) hit-and-giggle T20 cricket than take in an enthralling, edge-of-your-seat, once-in-a-lifetime test match.

“When it comes to cricket, I don’t need some huge build up leading to an epic climax. I’m a Gen Y product – all I want is instant gratification. I want my cricket laced with cheerleaders and snazzy uniforms – and I want to hear Taio Cruz’s and Katy Perry’s music played in between each and every delivery,” he said adamantly.

“They played for five days without a result, that’s a fact. When does the fucking IPL start again?”

By Dave Edwards

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