Sebastian Vettel Steals Monthly Guildford Award

In a month where Kurtley Beale proved again that rugby is no longer a gentlemen’s sport, the Australian Cricket team became a global embarrassment, previous Guildford winner Liam Jurrah beat all charges – then ended up back in jail a week later – and Dennis Rodman planted the seeds for an impending nuclear war, it was always going to take something special to take out this month’s Guildford.

In fact, just looking back over that paragraph makes me want to hand out multiple awards, but I am not one to fuck with a system so gilded in gold… so for sheer cuntiness (that’s not technically a word, but it should be), this month’s award goes to Sebastian Vettel!

Formula One drivers generally all seem like pricks, but Vettel has taken it to an impressive new level by getting one up on team-mate Mark Webber.

By now we have all heard of Vettel’s seemingly innocuous pass of the ever pouting Webber, which defied team orders while taking a huge shit on team etiquette in general (as did Beale for that matter). But did you know that the only animal with four knees is the elephant? No? Well there you go.

Webber, had already begun visualising his victory antics

The best part is, he played dumb. Like the Boy Scout found covered in blood, with his pants down and semen all over the dead cow, he simply shrugged and said “What did I do? Oh no, really? I wasn’t meant to do that? Oh man, I’m sorry…”

Webber has since fueled rumours he is to leave the sport completely, while Vettel has issued an expletive laden apology, complete with language warning and all. But the incident has done nothing to improve either driver’s image.

Webber still looks like that whinging little boy that blames everybody/everything but himself for his lack of success (and in this instance that is probably fair enough), and Vettel, well, Vettel comes across as a narcissistic gob-shite who will most likely win the World Championship again, and then all will be forgiven right?

Maybe not with Webber, but do you think he will care as he tucks the trophy up behind his Guildford? Another thing Webber will probably never win…

By Al McClintock

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