An Apology For… Eddie McGuire. Donald Sterling. Geoff Huegill

In what has been a big few days for sporting scandal, it was simply too hard for us to split who to apologise for in this second instalment of our new series, An Apology For… Thus, TPA’s Alasdair McClintock has opted to acknowledge a ‘hat-trick’ of inappropriateness.

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It is ironic that the first time Eddie McGuire does something I find remotely likeable, I am to write a piece apologising for it. Let’s face it: not many people like Eddie. He is a painfully biased, over-opinionated knucklehead, with far too much power and not enough of a conscience to do anything with it bar push his own agenda.

Still, him accidentally calling Kane Cornes an “old c*nt” on Fox Footy brought an endearing smile to my lips. For the first time in my life I actually thought ‘hey, maybe I could have a beer with Eddie.’ I probably never would, though. His ongoing verbal fellatio of the Collingwood football club would prove too much for me. But maybe, just maybe he’s not as bad as I thought. Maybe.

Speaking of old c*nts, Donald Sterling must be awarded the prestigious C*nt of the Week Award and is no doubt a frontrunner for the annual trophy*. If you missed out on the racism scandal surrounding the longest-serving NBA owner and his LA Clippers, Sterling was allegedly** recorded by his (clearly loving) girlfriend as she goads him into less of a racist rant and more of a horribly prejudiced ramble.

Old. White. Confused.
Old. White. Confused.

Here’s a selection of some of the comments he is alleged to have made:

“It bothers me a lot that you want to broadcast that you are associating with black people. Do you have to?”

“You can sleep with (black people). You can bring them in. You can do whatever you want. The little I ask is not to promote it on that… and not to bring them to my games.”

“In your lousy… Instagrams you don’t have to have yourself walking with black people.”

What the hell? Is this guy serious? He thinks Instagram is lousy??? Adding further intrigue to the drama is that his (clearly loving) pseudo-girlfriend is herself mixed-race, being of a Mexican/African-American background. If he doesn’t like black people why is he presumably shagging one? And why does he own an NBA team? Is this a slavery thing?

I am impressed that he has no problem if she sleeps around, with black people or otherwise, and I remain unsure what “you can bring them in” actually means, but it is safe to say this guy needs to be put out to pasture… and perhaps shot.

Finally to the other C-word. Cocaine. Sweet, sweet, cocaine. And it emerged week that Geoff Huegill was caught – again, allegedly – switching black lines for white lines at Randwick Racecourse.

Huegill is a guy who clearly loves to party and, like all good Aussie swimmers, doesn’t do things by halves. Swimmers live such an extreme life when competing, is it any wonder they struggle to adapt when they retire? So what if he felt the need blow off a bit of steam in some disabled toilets? I do question the setting, but not his desperate need to get as high as a motherfucker.

Health and happiness, Uncle Tobys etc.
Health and happiness, Uncle Tobys etc.

Am I condoning the use of illicit drugs? Yes. Yes I am.

However, I do hope that this isn’t the start of another fat phase for “Skippy”. The country needs Geoff Huegill fit, healthy and smiling. The nation’s economic situation has a direct correlation to Heugill’s waistline***. Skippy be fat, country be poor. Simple as that. Watch out Prime Minister Abbott, all your budget slashing and broken promises will amount to nothing if Skippy hits the pies again. You have been warned.

The real apology should be coming from Randwick Racecourse security anyway. If I’m in a private box at the races I want to be able to do whatever the fuck I please – short of fornicating with a victorious steed or setting fire to a staff member.

So on behalf of Randwick Racecourse I would like to apologise to Geoff Huegill. Party on Geoff. May your intoxication be joyous and your waist remain slim.

By Alasdair McClintock

*No such trophy exists, but it should.

** I must stress that it is all alleged at this stage, but for the sake of this article I am going to assume the voice in the recording is in fact his. If not, the next An Apology For… may just be for me.

***  I have no evidence to support this notion.

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  1. Interesting that Eddie McGuire and Donald Sterling should be mentioned in the same article. Brings me back to when Eddie made those racist comments about Adam Goodes and got nothing but a slap on the wrist. Meanwhile, and although one must admit his comments were a fair degree more vitriolic than Eddie, Donald Sterling gets a $2+ million fine, is banned for life from the NBA and forced to sell off his club. Just shows how backwards our country is with how seriously it takes racism.

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