Kid Hits Puberty Early, Will Dominate Rugby For Two Years

A 9-year-old boy has hit puberty early and will dominate underage rugby for the next two years, according to sources.

The boy, Andrew Simpkins, is proving absolutely unstoppable in the local Grace Hill U10s competition, with 13 tries this season in just six games.

Mothers are reportedly scared that the red-haired Simpkins will inflict an injury on their sons, who really do appear tiny compared to this pubic disaster.

“He’s got two years of dominance before the other kids catch up, then it’s good night nurse,” one cynical parent told The Public Apology.

The Grace Hill Rugby Club is considering implementing a program designed to help early bloomers transition to normal adolescent life after their two-year reign is over.

“These kids need to realise early that puberty-based dominance is temporary – and it’s what you do with your life afterwards that counts,” Club President Harold Lindsay said.

“We just need to give these kids the tools they need to succeed. There is life after early on-set puberty.”

By staff writers

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