June 2014

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A Melbourne schoolboy has stormed off the playground after he was overruled in a game of handball at lunchtime. The boy, 13, was allegedly in ‘King’ at the end of recess, having dominated for much of the 20-minute session. However, the group refused to let him into the top spot after he arrived two minutes…

Read More School Kid Livid Over Heartless Handball Coup

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A Sydney man has spurned several sexual advances from his partner in favour of watching live sport, The Public Apology can report. Edward Sterling, 29, is currently focused on the plethora of televised sporting competitions simultaneously on offer right now. As such, he has been making up a litany of tepid excuses to avoid wasting valuable energy copulating with his long-term girlfriend. Sterling said…

Read More Man’s Love for Sport Threatens Fragile Relationship

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A young cricketing prodigy has surprised everyone around him by declaring he has no real intention of playing for Australia. The boy, 15, who opens the batting and bowling for his local representative team and boasts a “very safe pair of hands,” according to sources, is considered by everyone around him to be the ‘next…

Read More Young Kid Actually Pretty Realistic About Chances of Playing for Australia

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Group F pits three predominantly Islamic nations against one hardcore Catholic nation. It’s not quite Samuel Huntington’s Clash of Civilisations, but it’s close. Here’s how it’s going to play out. 1st place – Argentina Argentina are good at football. Their players have long hair and great phonetic names. Any seasoned football fan will understand these…

Read More TPA’s Wacky World Cup Previews: Group F

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Undisputedly the Group of Life, Belgium must have been quietly pleased when these bunch of easy-beats were pulled out alongside them. No doubt Russia felt entitled to an easy group and could possibly trump Belgium for the top spot, but I fear Algeria and Korea face being drowned in a bukkake of goals. Sure, Korea may…

Read More TPA’s Wacky World Cup Previews: Group H