By now I’m guessing you’ve seen the photo of Todd Carney doing the ‘Michael Buble’?
It got passed around quicker than Tinder is spreading herpes, so I would be surprised if you haven’t.
Before you join the chorus of outrage and disgust however, I recommend you take a closer look. Not at his penis, although he does appear to have quite a handsome bell-end (as far as bell-ends go), but at the direction of the stream of urine – it is quite clearly missing his mouth.
I can only assume it was actually the handsomeness of his penis that made most punters overlook this upon first viewing. That, or the swiftness in which they turned away, truly horrified by what they thought they were seeing.
Carney’s agent, David Riolo, has since come out and confirmed the photo was a “set-up” (seemingly unaware of the possible double entendre, given the obvious quality of Carney’s so-called “mates”), so it begs the question: did the Sharks not act a little hastily in dismissing their enigmatic playmaker?
Now I know the word on the street is that he was on his final warning and this was the metaphorical last straw, but I would argue that this is not a metaphorical straw, it is not a misdemeanour, it is just a bloke harmlessly messing about with “mates” (I will continue to use the term sardonically) and employing a clever use of visual trickery to garner a few laughs. If anything he should be celebrated for his ingenuity!
But the Cronulla Sharks are not an organisation known for well thought out decisions. This is the club whose handling of the ASADA investigation has apparently been overseen by Cosmo Kramer. CEO Steve Noyce has already sacked Carney once before, and the swiftness in which he acted this time reeks of a knee-jerk reaction.
It only serves to prove once again that level heads do not prevail when it comes to rugby league in the country. It is a code abound with overreaction, administrative cock-ups, and let’s face it, too many fucking idiots in positions of power. I am not necessarily saying Steve Noyce is one of these idiots and it must be abundantly frustrating for him to have to constantly deal with the naivety and stupidity of these young men, but it comes with the territory.
Most young men are naive and stupid, and rugby league players especially so. Deal with it. Just try and keep them out of prison and on the footy field.
Todd Carney’s rap-sheet, while admittedly quite long, pales in comparison to the wife-beating, sexually assaulting, king-hitting habits of some other players in the game. Yet Carney gets the boot for doing something completely legal (he was standing at a urinal after all) and inarguably hilarious.
The bloke who leaked the picture is the one who should be copping flak for this. It shows the sort of parasites that latch on to guys like Carney and then revel in taking them down a peg or two. It also shows just how exposed guys like Carney are.
Now the moderate faction of the choir may sing that Carney obviously needs help, but I really don’t think he does. He is not Luis Suarez, who clearly does have some sort of pathological cannibalistic tendency, he just enjoys mucking about and having a drink with friends, like the vast majority of young people in this world do. He just needs to hang out with some better blokes.
After being hung out to dry by his club and betrayed by his current “mates”, however, perhaps he will now need some support. The Newcastle Knights could use another half. Perhaps it is time for Wayne Bennett to step in and save yet another tortured, talented soul?
By Alasdair McClintock