An Australian man has skilfully planned his two-month trip to the US around various live sporting fixtures, while his girlfriend remains completely unaware of his hidden agenda.
In late August, Mitch Parker and his girlfriend Suzy will fly in to Fort Worth, Dallas, and catch a college football game before making their way down to New Orleans to see the Saints play Minnesota in their first NFL home game for season 2014.
They will then worm their way up the East Coast, taking in a Major League Baseball game in both Baltimore and Philadelphia.
While in Baltimore, they are also likely to visit various important filming locations for the highly acclaimed HBO TV series, The Wire; a rare diversion from the sports-focused itinerary, but essential for any white folk visiting Maryland.
From Philadelphia, the couple will take a direct bus to New York City, which the man expects will be the pièce de résistance of the entire trip.
“It’ll be October by then – and that means we can catch an NFL game at MetLife stadium in New Jersey. The NBA pre-season will have started too, and I’m pretty keen to see the Knicks play their opener at MSG [Madison Square Garden],” he told The Public Apology.
“Of course, the NHL will have started in October too. I’ve booked us tickets to see the New York Rangers play Toronto on October 12. I’m actually pretty confident the Rangers can top the East Metropolitan conference this season.”
Meanwhile, Parker’s girlfriend is believed to have no idea her entire US trip is scheduled to coincide with major sporting events.
“Mitch took care of all the planning and booked all the accommodation, which was really nice of him – a real weight off my shoulders,” she told The Public Apology.
“I’m really looking forward to catching some cute little jazz gigs on Frenchman Street in New Orleans – and I’m hoping that Mitch will come with me on the Sex and the City Tour. It’s going to be so much fun!”
Friends have predicted that the couple will break up somewhere between Birmingham and Chattanooga.
By staff writers