Australian Bribery “Not Good Enough”: FIFA ExCo Members

Zurich, Switzerland —

FIFA ExCo members have slammed Australia’s attempts at bribery as ‘unpolished’ and ‘immature’ as the world governing body, FIFA, yesterday handed down its report into the bidding process for the respective 2018 and 2022 World Cups.

After assessing nine bids from 11 nations, an unnamed ExCo member concluded that ‘Australia just isn’t that good at bribery and corruption.’

‘Australia has shown potential, the ExCo member said, ‘but they need to start turning that potential into performance.’

Of Australia’s first foray into World Cup bidding, the ExCo member praised our enterprising approach, taking time to single out alleged efforts to redirect Government aid from Africa towards initiatives in his home nation.

‘That was encouraging,’ he noted. ‘But at the same time, this is the top level – first grade, if you will.’

‘Australia will learn. I am confident of that.’

The Australian bid was said to be reeling at FIFA’s feedback, believing their levels of shadiness to be ‘at least equal, if not better’ than their opponents.

Dejected, but we'll bounce back.
Dejected, but we’ll bounce back.

Despite FIFAs public condemnation of ‘the potentially problematic facts and circumstances’ surrounding Australia’s bid, TPA can reveal that ExCo members have privately challenged Australia to bounce back from their disappointing return of 1 vote for $46 million of Australian taxpayer money.

‘They [FIFA] have certainly delivered some proactive feedback on how we can take our corruption from good to great,’ an FFA insider told TPA.

‘We know it’s constructive, but right now we’re shattered.’

‘Maybe we’re not quite as polished yet, but we’ll get there.’

TPA readers can join the campaign to (Geoffrey) Boycott the World Cup. For information, click here

Sam Perry

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