EDITORIAL: Australian Children Are Apparently Just A Bunch Of Pansies Now

Australian children are apparently a bunch of fucking pansies who would rather wile away their time on the latest iPhone than play a bit of backyard cricket, according to a new study.

And we at The Public Apology are deeply, deeply concerned.

This particular study has found that two thirds of Australian girls and a quarter of boys cannot throw a ball overarm, with seven in 10 Australian children “below average” at throwing, kicking, catching, striking and dribbling a ball.

The study also found that 90% of modern Australian kids perform below average when compared to their American counterparts, based on a similar U.S. study in the year 2000.

The Public Apology is appalled at the findings. We implore all new parents out there to make a concerted effort to raise your children – regardless of gender – on a healthy diet of sport and wholesome outdoor activities. The future of sport depends on it.

Please do not buy your children an iPhone, an iPad, a MacBook, or any consumer electronic device for that matter, until it is absolutely necessary.

Yes, I know it can be tempted to immediately cave to adorable little Jimmy’s whims when he campaigns for the latest gizmo. I also understand that raising children is a difficult thing, what with time pressures, work/life balance and all that other stuff.

But please, think about the future of Australian sport before you do so.

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