‘News’

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Sydney publicans are set to offer impossible drink specials to cash in on deluded NSW pub-goers out watching tonight’s State of Origin clash. ThePublicApology understands that Sydney pubs will offer myriad drink deals that are dependent upon NSW’s unlikely success in Game 2. For example, several pubs are advertising a ‘free drink’ if NSW scores…

Read More Sydney pubs say Origin drink specials are ‘easy money’

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The teenage girl embroiled in sex allegations against AFL player agent Ricky Nixon is to release a tell-all hypothetical description of the events, entitled ‘If I Slept and Took Drugs with Him.’ Appearing on Chanel Ten’s The 7pm Project last night, 17-year-old Kim Duthie told hipster comedian Charlie Pickering that she had never had sex…

Read More Ricky Nixon ‘sex girl’ to release OJ-inspired book

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Australian selector Andrew Hilditch has used a controversial equation – one that men often use in justifying relationships with much younger women – in selecting the 25 man Cricket Australia contract list. ThePublicApology understands that Hilditch’s criteria for selection involved dividing his own age by two, then adding seven years. Any half-decent player who was…

Read More ‘Half your age plus 7’: Hilditch’s selection formula

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In news set to rock the footballing world, re-elected FIFA President Sepp Blatter has revealed he once declined a bribe when given an envelope stuffed with cash. The embattled head of football’s peak body made the shock announcement at a press conference this morning. And while he pledged to stamp out any kind of remotely…

Read More Blatter regrets not taking bribe, blames greasy hands