‘News’

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A Melbourne schoolboy has stormed off the playground after he was overruled in a game of handball at lunchtime. The boy, 13, was allegedly in ‘King’ at the end of recess, having dominated for much of the 20-minute session. However, the group refused to let him into the top spot after he arrived two minutes…

Read More School Kid Livid Over Heartless Handball Coup

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A Sydney man has spurned several sexual advances from his partner in favour of watching live sport, The Public Apology can report. Edward Sterling, 29, is currently focused on the plethora of televised sporting competitions simultaneously on offer right now. As such, he has been making up a litany of tepid excuses to avoid wasting valuable energy copulating with his long-term girlfriend. Sterling said…

Read More Man’s Love for Sport Threatens Fragile Relationship

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A young cricketing prodigy has surprised everyone around him by declaring he has no real intention of playing for Australia. The boy, 15, who opens the batting and bowling for his local representative team and boasts a “very safe pair of hands,” according to sources, is considered by everyone around him to be the ‘next…

Read More Young Kid Actually Pretty Realistic About Chances of Playing for Australia

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The paper aeroplane that hit a Peruvian international footballer from the Wembley Stadium grandstand was mediocre and outdated, claimed maker and flinger Simon Trevallion. Footage of the incident was captured via mobile and quickly became an internet sensation last week. Released via Youtube, the plane’s 200 odd-metre journey caused understandable rapture amongst anyone who had ever attended…

Read More ‘Not Even My Best One’, says Wembley Paper Plane Exponent

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One of Russia’s pre-eminent gymnastics judges has praised young Wests Tigers fullback James Tedesco’s for his dexterity, following his execution of a “near-flawless” backflip. Valerie Yanukovych, an international gymnastics judge who has featured at the past seven summer Olympics, said Tedesco’s backflip in signing with the Canberra Raiders, only to turn his back on the…

Read More Russian Judge Awards Tedesco 13.1 For Backflip