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A 9-year-old boy has hit puberty early and will dominate underage rugby for the next two years, according to sources. The boy, Andrew Simpkins, is proving absolutely unstoppable in the local Grace Hill U10s competition, with 13 tries this season in just six games. Mothers are reportedly scared that the red-haired Simpkins will inflict an…

Read More Kid Hits Puberty Early, Will Dominate Rugby For Two Years

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The Socceroos are the first team to land in Brasil for the 2014 World Cup, with an etiquette expert slamming the arrival as “unfashionably early.” Meryl McNamara, 82, said that the Socceroos decision to arrive well before the party has truly started was a “bad look.” However, she said that the team could make up for it…

Read More Socceroos Arrive At Brasil World Cup ‘Unfashionably Early’

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A well-meaning SCG member who invited his Adelaide friend to a Swans game will never do that again, according to reports. The two men attended a Swans v Adelaide match recently, which the Crows won in a cliff-hanger. The guest, an extremely vocal Adelaide fan, turned around to give the members stand a gleefully emphatic…

Read More SCG Member Brings Friend To Swans Game, Move Backfires

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A 94-year-old Queanbeyan immigrant is the oldest living Canberra Raiders fan, The Public Apology can confirm. Hakka “Harry” Ibravovic, who was a sprightly 62-year-old when the Raiders first entered the competition in 1982, told TPA that his love for the Green Machine came upon settling in the nation’s capital. “I left Yugoslavia in 1980, just as…

Read More Immigrant Grandpa Confirmed as Oldest Living Raiders Fan

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A Sydney man is suddenly feeling superior to his colleagues simply because he rides a bicycle to work. The man, 28, recently purchased a brand new three-speed bike in order to commute to the CBD from his Redfern apartment. One co-worker told The Public Apology that the formerly pleasant man has since become insufferably smug…

Read More Man Cycles to Work, Feels Superior to Colleagues