Soccer

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It’s 4:30am on Sunday morning when I wake up to check the results from the English Premier League games played overnight. As the results load on my iPhone, I am beset by nerves. After a tense few microseconds, I see that West Bromwich Albion has beaten Southampton 1-nil. As I mentally tally my ‘clean-sheet’ points, I…

Read More Unemployment Has Made Me Really Good at Fantasy Football

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When folks debate who is the Best Beatle Of All Time (BBOAT), it’s generally a battle between John and Paul. Typically, the argument hinges on which one was the better songwriter (Lennon’s lyrics vs McCartney’s melodies) or who had the more impressive character (Lennon’s rebellious activism vs McCartney’s clownish whimsy). The contest takes on further intensity when…

Read More Mark Bresciano is to the Socceroos as George Harrison was to the Beatles

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Zurich, Switzerland — FIFA ExCo members have slammed Australia’s attempts at bribery as ‘unpolished’ and ‘immature’ as the world governing body, FIFA, yesterday handed down its report into the bidding process for the respective 2018 and 2022 World Cups. After assessing nine bids from 11 nations, an unnamed ExCo member concluded that ‘Australia just isn’t…

Read More Australian Bribery “Not Good Enough”: FIFA ExCo Members

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The midweek 6-a-side football team ‘EPL Tragics’ is in crisis after suffering a 4th straight loss for the season, The Public Apology can reveal. Following a 7-1 drubbing at the hands of mid-table team ‘Wine Cellar Dwellers’, TPA understands that showdown emails were exchanged between the skipper ‘Mikey’ and a collection of unnamed senior players this week. The team’s rapid…

Read More Mid-Week Team in Crisis After Fourth Straight Loss, Work Also ‘Getting Really Busy’

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On occasions, Australian football can be Beautiful. On Sunday morning in Riyadh, it was Bold. To succeed in the mainstream, it will need to be both. Ben Shine reports. *  *  * On Sunday afternoon 17,000 sun-drenched fans at the SFS watched a uncharacteristically disciplined Sydney FC side methodically dispatch a Central Coast Mariners side…

Read More The A League Needs To Be Bold And Beautiful