TPA’s Election Analysis: Week Six – The Media

Is TPA the only truly neutral voice in this election? Are we even neutral? We don’t even know.

*****

The Media

I picked up a Daily Telegraph the other day – don’t judge me, I was flicking to the sport – when a little side bar caught my eye. ‘Greens Latest Lunacy’* was the heading. I chuckled sadly at this brazen lack of objectivity and read the so-called ‘lunacy’. It was about some Greens candidate saying Canadian PM, Justin Trudeau, was his inspiration.

They lambasted him for having the hide to compare himself to a charming and handsome leader whose mother “partied with the Rolling Stones,” happily ignoring the fact he only said Trudeau was an inspiration, not that he was in any way like him. I find inspiration in Lebron James and I’ve got to tell you, I’m nothing like Lebron James. The closest I come to his discipline is typing the word into Pornhub.

Sasssssssssssssssssssssss ...
Sasssssssssssssssssssssss …

But it got me thinking, have Australian journalists just simply given up? “Don’t believe everything that you read in the papers,” was an oft touted line back in the day when people actually read papers, but now it might be more accurate to say “Don’t believe anything that you read in the papers.” I sure as hell don’t. The sport scores are about the only thing I trust and even then I’ll often seek a second source.

We live in a write it now, worry about the facts later era and whatever quality journalism there may be out there is swiftly lost in a fetid ejaculation of quickly thrown together articles ending in a string of ‘Tweets’ by sad loners and B-grade celebrities. Journalists these days don’t even have the self-respect to write their own words! Or maybe I’m being unfair of JStar69 from Penrith. She really nailed it in her 140 character rant. #Lol.

Slovenly, gravy stained, political writers spit bile at whoever their bosses tell them too and television journalists put on their make up and read their lines, and don’t really think too much about anything, apart from who they can get get to go down on them on the weekend.

This guy just looks fucking evil!
This guy just looks fucking evil!

These days I get most of my news from ABC Radio, as they seem to be the most level-headed, but the Lib’s would have us believe they are all wild-eyed lefties. Am I a wild-eyed lefty for listening? I don’t think I am, I’d like to think I’m in the middle, but maybe I’m delusional.

Sure, I don’t want to see the word destroyed and innocent people die, all in the name of a dollar, but should that make me left-wing? It just seems like simple common sense to me. Schoolyard shit, really. Be nice to your neighbours and don’t burn down your own fucking house.

There was an interesting story on the radio the other day (yes, ABC) about conservative Republican voters in America being uneasy on Donald Trump because of his vague position on abortion and small businesses being able to refuse LGBT people service. These are their main concerns? Really?

I can empathise with conservative attitudes to immigration to a certain extent, but when something doesn’t directly affect you in any way whatsoever, why care so much? Just bake the fucking cake for the gay couple and take their money! Stick a pube in it, if they really offend you so much.** That’s what capitalism is all about!

Make a Republican elephant ... with a penis cake pan!
Make a Republican elephant … with a penis cake pan!

But I’m rambling now. This election has sent me into a babbling delirium and I don’t know what’s up and what’s down. Who’s right and who’s left. Where I am or even who I’m going to vote for. All I know is I want this monstrosity to end.

By Alasdair McClintock

Twitter: @AWJP83

* I’m taking this from memory, that may not be 100% verbatim, but it’s more of less accurate.

** I would like to stress I am not advocating putting pubic hairs in anybody’s food, much less members of the LGBT community.

Read Week One – The Leaders here

Read Week Two – The Major Parties here

Read Week Three – The Big Issues here

Read Week Four – “Economics, Dear Watson” here

Read Week Five – The Grind here

TPA’s Election Analysis: Week Three – The Big Issues

Like a raving mad homeless man on a city corner, this week McClintock is screaming about big issues. Although, in truth, he barely discuss them at all.

*****

The Big Issues

As Jeff ‘The Dude’ Lebowski said, “I got issues, man.”

Or was it “a rash”?

Perhaps it was both.

Nevertheless, this country has issues, man!

We’re drowning in refugees, cheap milk, a budget deficit and The Great Barrier Reef is dying before our very eyes. All this while our planet slowly heats up in a desperate attempt to kill us all (can you blame it?). I don’t mean to understate it here, but I think we’re fucked. Thank heaven Bill and Malcolm have all the answers. Don’t they?

I’m not sure …

Trying to get a gauge on the major parties positions on big issues this week has been tricky. Especially as several of their own candidates have shown they don’t even know what they are. Usually this wouldn’t bother me so much – heck, I don’t even know my own position on some of the issues – but what was alarming was that a couple of the heavy-hitters were guilty of this heinous crime.

What do I care if some Liberal schmuck running for office in Shitsville, South Australia, doesn’t know his party’s policy on Medicare? No offence to those in Shitsville, but Julie Bishop and Sarah Hanson-Young are figureheads of their parties. Strong, articulate and powerful women who have their shit together, basically. But they dropped the ball this week. Will they come back like Thurston or capitulate like [insert any New South Welshman]? Only time will tell.

In politics, as in bowling and religion, you should never drop the ball.

The biggest issue this week was, of course, State of Origin. New South Wales and Queensland electorates certainly couldn’t give two hoots about what was going on in politics over the past seven days. Queenslanders especially.

Should another nation ever want to invade Queensland, Origin week would be a good time to do it. If they poured their army across the border on the Wednesday afternoon, I doubt anyone would notice. As long as they avoided Caxton Street, but they could always just dress their soldiers in maroon and most would think it a parade.

They would need to ensure full and secure control of all government buildings come Thursday though. Lest they’re faced with an army of wild eyed, fiercely proud, off-purple lunatics that morning. Nursing mild hangovers and a salivating, rabid loyalty to their state, they’re likely to come with everything they’ve got. Win or lose, the night before.

Vote for Robert Borsak!
Vote for Robert Borsak!

So this is perhaps why, in a week when Shooters, Fishers and Farmers party MP Robert Borsak admitted to killing and eating Dumbo, and probably also consuming Bambi’s mum, Bill Shorten’s blooper in calling Queensland ‘the Storm’ may have been the most costly by far. He surely thought it a harmless faux-pas, quickly forgotten and consigned to the chuckle factory, but he has certainly lost votes.

You might be able to fuck with a Queenslander’s Super and get away with it, but you certainly can’t disrespect Cam and the boys.

By Alasdair McClintock

Twitter: @AWJP83

Read Week One – The Leaders here

Read Week Two – The Major Parties here