Following Usman Khawaja’s salacious bum grab of Adam Zampa during the recent One Day series against New Zealand, The Public Apology can exclusively reveal an extract of erotic fan-fiction found by cleaning staff after the game. *** Adam Zampa sat quietly alone, polishing his bat in the Australian changing room. He had dreamed of being…
Read More Homoerotic Fan Fiction Uncovered in Australian Dressing RoomsA young cricketing prodigy has surprised everyone around him by declaring he has no real intention of playing for Australia. The boy, 15, who opens the batting and bowling for his local representative team and boasts a “very safe pair of hands,” according to sources, is considered by everyone around him to be the ‘next…
Read More Young Kid Actually Pretty Realistic About Chances of Playing for AustraliaIndian paceman Zaheer Khan has found an unlikely ally in his war of words with Australian wicket-keeper Brad Haddin – the young and increasingly arrogant fast bowler, James Pattinson. Haddin drew attention when he came out swinging blindly, in true style, at a press conference last week, hailing the Indian team as “fragile” and claiming…
Read More James Pattinson slams Haddin, foreshadows arroganceCricket Australia 60 Jolimont Street Jolimont Victoria 3002 Australia (+61 3) 9653 9999 Dear Andrew, In relation to your unjustified sacking of Simon Katich from the Australian cricket team, I demand you supply ThePublicApology with – ahem – a public apology. Now this writer has accepted – and grown to eventually embrace – the many…
Read More Hilditch must apologise for Katich sackingAustralian selector Andrew Hilditch has used a controversial equation – one that men often use in justifying relationships with much younger women – in selecting the 25 man Cricket Australia contract list. ThePublicApology understands that Hilditch’s criteria for selection involved dividing his own age by two, then adding seven years. Any half-decent player who was…
Read More ‘Half your age plus 7’: Hilditch’s selection formula